Lady Jane Identifies Assholes

Lady Jane — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:00:24 +0000

Everyone is an asshole. Trust me on this; I have first-hand experience with assholes of all varieties. This brief list of common types of assholes will be helpful in navigating your way around.

Chivalry-Is-Dead Asshole:

This guy that doesn’t hold the door for ladies or old people. He believes that he is the only person with a daily agenda and everyone else in the way. This asshole also gets a smack in the head from his mom once in a while and becomes a human again for brief period of time. This asshole is in need of aversion therapy. Just call his mom.

Stuck-In-A-Closet-And-Can’t-Get-Out Asshole:

This asshole will be brazen and derogatory toward the opposite sex. He acts as though he is Gods gift to the ladies. He sees each girl as the conquest, and he is the prize. He calls his friends fag, queer, homo, etc. Meanwhile when he drinks too much, he is the one who is jerking off to gay porn. This asshole should be treated with no care; treat him as bad as he treats you. He is stuck in his closet and will not be coming out for a few more years.

Covering-Up-As-A-Friend Asshole:

This is a tricky one, my friends; you might not be able to recognize this person for quite sometime. This person is someone who you know, someone you might even like, the kind of person you bring home to mom. This person is someone you trust with your secrets. Then the shit hits the fan and this asshole rears its ugly head when their little world is threatened. They do not take responsibility for anything wrong in their lives. This asshole does not think they can ever possible be wrong. They play the martyr and play at your heart-strings like a fiddle. They believe everyone is there for them, and do nothing for anyone else. This is your warning, and this is where I tell you to look in a mirror. You might be this asshole.

Bull-In-A-China-Shop Asshole:

Also known very commonly as a ‘bully.’ This asshole might as well as wear a sandwich board announcing their asshole-ness to the world. It is like a badge of honor to them. You can hear it, smell it, and feel it coming your way. The air changes; birds fly in formation in opposite directions; tumbleweeds roll down the streets as people cower away. This asshole never smiles, is nasty to everyone he comes in contact with. He will steal your hat and put gum in your hair; he will trip a child and spit in grandma’s face. I should say that this asshole should be avoided, but I have come to believe there is another course of appropriate action. This asshole should just be hit with your car. This asshole needs to be annihilated at all costs. Pretend you hit a deer and get your insurance company to repair it.

If you don’t agree with me… you are just an asshole too.

Song of the Day: “I Like Big Butts” Sir Mix-A-Lot

REBEL PAWN in Seaside Heights on 12/30/11

REBEL PAWN — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 19:33:03 +0000

REBEL PAWN in Linden on 01/06/12

REBEL PAWN — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 22:30:35 +0000

ANACIN in Long Branch on 12/23/11

REBEL PAWN — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 18:51:50 +0000

REBEL PAWN » Featured

Lady Jane Identifies Assholes

Chivalry-Is-Dead Asshole:

Stuck-In-A-Closet-And-Can’t-Get-Out Asshole:

Covering-Up-As-A-Friend Asshole:

Bull-In-A-China-Shop Asshole:

REBEL PAWN in Seaside Heights on 12/30/11

Related show

REBEL PAWN in Linden on 01/06/12

Related show

ANACIN in Long Branch on 12/23/11

Related show